Am I doing this Right?

I believe that we as women grew up with certain beliefs about what motherhood is like. When I was a child, despite what I saw around me, I believed that motherhood was a form of perfect lifestyle: the baby hardly ever cried, diaper changes weren’t messy, they were always well behaved and adorable. Taking care of a child and the home was simple; I imagined that my house would ALWAYS be spotless, as would my child. All of their toys would be in their playrooms in their proper places; we’d have a set schedule that we stuck to every day. Stress wasn’t a thing, life was just perfect. Of course, there was also a husband and father in the picture to complete my imaginary dream life. 

Excuse my language here but- 

Yeah. Fucking. Right!

Do I regret becoming a mother? Not at all; I know that if I hadn’t kept Arianna, I probably would’ve kept on the destructive path that I was previously on, that led to her existence in the first place. Becoming a mother was probably the biggest reality check that I’ve had so far in my life, aside from joining the military and truly being on my own for the first time. That imaginary life that I thought adequately described what motherhood was like? Didn’t exist. The few times that I had full-time care of my daughter were some of the most stressed times of my life. Between dealing with the random fits and tantrums, to trying to stick to some semblance of a schedule between work and home, and let’s not forget the massive diaper blowouts (seriously, I will never understand how a baby is able to make a mess that massive)! It was definitely not a walk in the park. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t always crazy, and I didn’t always want to rip my hair out or just walk out of the door and never return. Arianna and I had some pretty memorable moments, and I’m grateful for camera phones, social media, and the iCloud; otherwise, I wouldn’t have half of the pictures that I do have. Oh, and guess what? There is no husband in this picture (at least not now anyway; I remain hopeful for the future). 

There were times that I thought I was a bad mom, because I didn’t always cook dinner every day, and there were days where we did nothing but watch TV. Baths didn’t happen every day, and sometimes she stayed up past her bedtime. During the school year, I’ll admit that I’d forgotten a few times when she had early dismissals, or when she didn’t have school that day and I’d feel bad when I picked her up from daycare and she told me that she didn’t have school, and therefore didn’t need to wear her school uniform that day. I’ve forgotten about Parent Teacher Conferences once or twice. More often than not, our house was a mess, mostly from her many arts and crafts adventures. If for whatever strange reason I was nominated for a Mother of the Year award, not only would I NOT win it, I’d probably think that whoever nominated me for it was crazy. 

But, I digress…( I apologize for that)

The point I’m getting at is that often we may feel like failures because our reality doesn’t mesh with what our sometimes outlandish expectations of our life (or certain aspects of it) may be. It seems that everywhere we look, be it in print in magazines, newspapers, or books; online; or even on TV, we are bombarded with all these new discoveries and articles about how we shouldn’t do this, or give our child that because it’s vaguely linked to this, that, or the other (honestly, at this point I’m surprised I haven’t heard anything about how keeping our children inside a bubble will be the best way to keep them safe from everything). We think that we’re doing our best as mothers, only to come across something else that makes us feel worse. Not feeding your child 100% organic, grass-fed, pesticide free, sugar free foods? You’re the worse mother on the planet. Never mind that you can’t afford that type of grocery, and you’re doing the best that you can with what you have. There are so many things out there that have us wondering “Am I doing this right? Am I still a good mother for doing things this way instead of that? Will my child somehow suffer because I’m not doing what the latest article or expert says to do?” 

I believe that all of this needs to stop. True, we’ll doubt ourselves every now and then, but it shouldn’t be a constant worry. We know what works best for OUR child(ren); and while it may be beneficial to maybe follow the advice of some of what we come across, we should not feel obligated to try every new thing under the sun, or even to feel bad for not doing so.

We’re moms. Our bodies created and carried another human being for at least 9 months. We’ve felt the kicks, punches, rolls, hiccups, the uncomfortable elbow straight to our bladder or other vital organ. We’ve seen their faces on ultrasounds, heard their heartbeats. We may do things differently from each other, but we’re doing things based on our own unique situations. So if you ever find yourself wondering “Am I doing this right?” 

Just know that the answer is and always should be, YES.